Bytes from the Back Seat

I thought it might be interesting for some people to hear the side of the story that is very rarely considered. That of the partner and family of a taxi driver.

Next time you want to have a go at a taxi driver because you have had a bad day consider this. Their shifts are 12 hours long, they need at least an hour in the morning to wind down then they also need to sleep before getting up and doing it all over again. For the drivers who have a family, this usually means getting 6-7 hours sleep just so they can see their kids while also trying to get their own things done.

They don’t get much of a social life and they miss out on going out for family things. Also the family misses out on them being there. A lot of drivers work 6 shifts a week and on their day off they are usually tired. Even if they get up earlier than usual, they are still not interested in taking the kids to the park or the zoo or any of the other things that 9-5ers take for granted. A good example was Thursday night when the kids and I went to the family night at our local Bunnings store. As usual our 2 year old went nuts with the paintbrush and painted a generous number of mdf shapes. While it isn’t a clean job keeping her relatively in line it is good for a laugh if you stay relaxed about somehow being covered in paint. It’s a small thing but one less memory that he had a chance to collect. Mind you we have enough of a reminder of her night out in what she painted.

But he also misses special days like birthdays, Easter, Christmas, Mother’s day, Father’s day and school things. Then there are doctor’s appointments. Our five year old has a stigmatism and this requires regular visits to his ophthalmologist. Becker doesn’t get to go to those appointments for the simple fact he is sleeping. He has taken the night off after our young fellow had one of his three operations on the eye. That is one of the rare positives about his job. The flexibility to say, “I am not working tonight” but that doesn’t just cost us that night’s income; we still have to pay that night’s lease even though the taxi wasn’t driven.

I know Becker gets very frustrated that from the time he wakes up until he leaves for work he has 2 young kids vying for his attention which usually results in fights and tantrums (and not just between the kids!). There is little to no time for adult conversations and anything that needs to be discussed gets left for nights off by which time it has either resolved itself or been forgotten. Nights off for me also means very late getting to bed just so we can have adult time without being interrupted every five seconds by one child or another.

There is no “dating” partly for lack of time and partly lack of family support. I don’t have any family over here and Becker’s family has little interest in me or the kids so in effect I am a single parent for the majority of time. Yes if the shit hits the fan I can call him home but that costs us money.

It is hard for Becker on his nights off to help with the kids and the (ok mostly very relaxed) routine. It can be the little things that are his undoing. One week the kids might be agreeable to something and the next it is a battle but he doesn’t really get a chance to learn these things. There is a definite knack to cleaning a kid’s teeth and it’s not giving them toothbrush and toothpaste and walking away. Kids should only have water at bedtime, not cordial or milk. Might sound basic but when you are thrust into the role one or two days a week, it is a real learning curve. Then there are things like knowing that baby (doll) will quite often get dragged out of the bathroom dripping wet along with her own towel to get wrapped in and she gets wrapped up to dry before the 2 year old does.

The kids miss having their daddy around and mummy is flat out with the basics of running a house, cooking, cleaning, shopping etc to play a lot of games. Daddy is the fun parent, Mummy is the ogre. Not fair but that’s the way the cookie ends up crumbling.

Now financial’s, there is no guaranteed income. There is no easy way to budget. At times we are literally living shift to shift when times are slow. There are no holidays, there is no sick pay. Basically if you don’t work you don’t have money.

There are times when I want to give up. I want to get away from the endless grind. Why don’t I work? It’s simple economics really. I was working with one child in school and one in daycare and we were losing money.

My oldest went to full time daycare while I worked 2 jobs as well as studying before I met Becker and I don’t feel I have the same closeness with her that I have with the other 2. Besides that, being only 6 weeks away from giving birth it’s a bit hard to find a job lol.

The kids aren’t the only ones who miss Becker, I do as well. Sometimes it is simply a case of wanting adult company, sometimes it is wanting someone around to take the pressure and stress off me. But it is always because he isn’t around.

Then another major thing to deal with is trust. There is a gigantic amount of trust needed in the relationship. How easy it would be for him to be unfaithful but I have to trust that he doesn’t. It wouldn’t be hard really for him to spend time with someone else. After all he doesn’t have to be at a fixed location at fixed times. I have to trust that he won’t do that. I know he wouldn’t do anything untoward with a customer because it’s not worth losing his taxi licence.

Then there is the times he is at home, either finishing his shift early, coming home for a break or on his nights off after I go to bed when he could be starting an online relationship. Again I have to trust that he has more sense than that because he knows it would cost him his relationship and he would end up on the fringes of his kid’s life as any non-custodial parent does.

Any partner of someone in a high risk profession would understand the underlying concern during every shift. Taxi driving is a high risk profession. There is the risk of being robbed, beaten and even killed, and that’s just by passengers. Then there is the chance of having an accident that could put you off the road for the night or permanently and no one ever likes to talk about the seemingly high incidents of taxi drivers having brain related illnesses. Becker’s own father needed emergency surgery for an aneurism.

What about the health related issues? The lack of time or energy for exercise. The lack of proper eating. How many places are open at night that offer healthy, appetising food? Most drivers get stuck with that dried out meat pie or chocolate bars etc from the 24 hour service station. In winter they don’t get much time to get outside in the sunshine.

Who wants to come home to reheat a meal? Or reheat last night’s dinner before starting work? That’s if the 2 year old has decided to leave it intact for a change. Even if it’s a salad, it starts getting soggy and limp.

I have been writing as Becker being a full time driver which until recently he has. Now we have a Peak-Period Taxi. Yep, he has become one of those drivers he would curse about taking the work lol. As a general rule this would mean working Friday and Saturday nights with a option to work half Sunday night.

But as usual he has to go and jump in at the deep end lol. With Christmas around the corner he also has a half night Thursday night. Well that’s only until the 20th December when they have shifts available every day until the 2nd of January. Now the only compulsory shifts are the Friday and Saturday nights and New Years Eve and New Years Day but since it is very hard to scrape together a living in January when all the fuss dies down, he needs to work as many available hours as he can physically cope with.

We have pretty much established that with his kids from a previous relationship and his family that he will need to take Christmas day off. Or at least a big chunk from the start of the available hours. Considering I am due at the end of January, it will be cutting it fine for the New Year since the closest I have ever gotten to my due date is thirteen days and I have been as early as four weeks.

Another draw back to this job. I leave as part of the early release program where as long as it has been 6 hours since birth and the doctor has seen you, you get to go home. If he has to work then I need to be home to look after the kids. He may not need to work but if it is a Friday or Saturday night not working will now cost us a $250 fine.

Being a taxi driver’s partner is no picnic that’s for sure. But I know he is happier in this job than any other. The biggest drawback to owning a peak period taxi is the pressure he is putting himself under on his work nights to make sure he makes enough money to cover our work and living expenses. Under normal times of the year I will actually get to have him home 4 whole nights a week and he will have more time to pursue his interests.